I recognize the child within.

She is unseen, unheard.

Not understanding how to be seen and heard as a younger child through teen she became rebellious. She got noticed by using her body and her words to seduce boys/men. 
Then she was seen and heard! Wanted! She then felt loved but that's not at all what it was. My heart breaks for her.  She never did find true balance in this behaviour. She continued to hurt and to use herself in all the wrong ways to try to fill all the empty places in her. To fill voids only self love, self-care, and self respect could fill. She tried using her body, owning all the brand-name bags, clothes and expensive jewellery to be seen and noticed. She used food to fill her up to not feel, alcohol to numb the pain of it all and give her the boldness to be whoever she wanted to be. 

She then turned to the christian god. He would fix her. “He” as he was painted to her hurt her more. She completely lost herself for years. 

More hurt, rebellion, abuse came but true healing never did. She felt she’d never be free of this life she had created for herself.  

Until... she made the best biggest mistake of her entire life. She married a deacon of the church. He is the reason she broke free. He is the reason she has victory today.

Without him she may still be stuck in the prison she had built for herself. Through him she realized all of the lies she was living. He was a wake up call for her. He solidified to her that we are not who we say we are or show ourselves to be in front of others. But we are wholly who and what we are behind closed doors. She had had enough of all the lies and false identity of not only him but mostly of her self. She knew it all had to end. She needed to start over,  all over to be happy and have true freedom. And that is exactly what she did at 43 years old. She began to build a whole new life, leaving behind everything she had known for so many years. 

Today... she is happy.

Today...  she is truly herself. 

Today... she has freedom.

She... is ME 🖤