As promised in this journey called life I am sharing with you some life lessons that hit me and how I get past them.  Nothing we go through should be left to have zero impact on others.  If we can use our life and our experiences to help, I believe we should.  I didn’t go through all that I have for nothing.  

     We (my man and I) were in a meeting yesterday and I was confronted with a situation I felt meant nothing to me. While I had to state a fact about my current life situation I realized I thought I was “fine” with it in my mind but all of a sudden my heart actually felt crushed.  I think I literally checked out at that moment. I could feel the weight of my past “mistakes” take over. It took everything in me not to cry.  I felt broken and unworthy yet again, as though my past choices labelled me and I was damaged goods.  I felt nauseous from the rush of emotions.  We could not move forward in our relationship as we wanted to. Walking out of that building feeling like the mans hand I was holding I didn’t even deserve. Like I was not good enough to be at his side.  We went for a drive and the whole time I could hear it in my mind. It would not stop. The sound track playing over and over again ... “I’m actually still married.” 

     My man being who he is supports me in these times in ways he has no idea he’s even doing.   I am so thankful for him... my rock and my love. He truly helps balance me. I know I was devastated because I took the time to text a few select people about my heart issue. I think the hardest part to swallow was that according to the government I am not able to be fully who’s I want to be, that a paper still ties me to a man I don’t have an ounce of feelings or use for.  It truly was an incredible wake up call.  

     Speaking of waking up ... I DID wake up... this morning... YAY, and I did so with my strength and my power back as I so proudly aspire to.  Everything my mind thought I was last night is a lie. I am NOT broken, unworthy, damaged, not good enough or not deserving of my man. I am in fact ... whole, worthy, more than good enough AND deserving of the man I call mine and the bonus to that is, this is how he sees and treats me as well. He is kind, patient and loves me unconditionally.   He is exactly who I need in my life today (one day at a time). He holds my heart in his hands and holds it with great care.  I trust him with my life and love him with all that I am. 

     All the work I’ve done, how far I’ve come, how much I’ve grown is who I am today. Even with a little set back such as last night (which simply brought clarity to a situation),  I didn’t stay there.  

    I CONTINUE TO RISE!